


Bad Ideas, Good Outcomes

by saltythumbtack



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Eventual Smut, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, Steve is extra beefy not original flavor, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, but he's also gay as hell ya know, there's a lot of feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-02-24 11:06:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13212462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltythumbtack/pseuds/saltythumbtack
Summary: The Rogers family vacation is upon Steve, and he may have told Tony that he was bringing his boyfriend. And he may have said that that boyfriend was Bucky. Bucky, being a good friend, agreed to join Steve and pretend to be his boyfriend. And, maybe, do more than pretend.





	1. Bad Idea #1

“This is a terrible idea.”

“This was _your_ idea.”

Steve winced, rubbing his forehead. “Okay, yeah, I know it was my idea, Buck, but it’s still a terrible idea.”

Bucky snorted, pulling his hair back into a ponytail. “Well, gee, Steve, maybe don’t suggest terrible ideas next time.”

Steve let out a pathetic groan, flopping helplessly onto the bed. “I couldn’t think of anything else to do, Buck. Sorry. It just sort of...happened.”

“Hey, it’s okay, Stevie.” Bucky said reassuringly, turning to face his friend. “I would’ve done the same thing in your position. Your cousin put you on the spot, and I don’t mind pretending to be your boyfriend for the Rogers family vacation. Honestly, I’ve been trying to figure out a way to go along with you guys for years now, so this is actually working out pretty great for me.”

Steve laughed weakly, rubbing his face with his hands. “Thanks, Buck.” He said, smiling up at his friend. “It means a lot to me, really.”

“No problem.” Bucky said cheerfully, offering his hand to Steve and pulling him up. “We’re gonna be late unless we hurry, so I’m driving.”

“Oh, no.” Steve said, his tone warning. “I am _not_ letting you drive. You’re insane, and we’ll definitely be late if you get us arrested for going 95.”

“It was _one time_ , Steve.” Bucky whined imploringly. “I’m a great driver. We’re supposed to meet your cousin at one, it’s an hour drive, and it’s 12:15. We’re gonna be late unless I drive, and I certainly don’t want to make a bad impression on your cousin right before a two-week-long vacation.” 

“Fiiine.” Steve sighed, relenting. “Don’t get us arrested, though. Please.”

“Thanks, Stevie.” Bucky said, grinning widely. “You won’t regret this. I promise.”

“I’m already regretting this.” Steve grumbled, giving Bucky a good-natured thwack on the arm. Bucky grabbed his arm, pretending to be in pain, and Steve scowled at him. “Just get going.” Steve grumbled, pouting. 

“Yes, sir!” Bucky belted enthusiastically, giving Steve a crisp salute. He opened the door for Steve, bowing low as Steve walked past. Steve rolled his eyes, but didn’t comment on Bucky’s ridiculous behavior.

Thanks to Bucky’s driving, they arrived at the airport just before one. Steve stared out the window, his throat dry as it occurred to him that they were really doing this. Bucky was really going to pretend to be his boyfriend for the next two weeks. Sure, they’d been friends since kindergarten, and everyone kind of assumed that they were dating, but now...it’d be real, in a way. God, this situation was bizarre.

Bucky tapped gently on Steve’s window, then opened the door for him, handing him his bag. Bucky shouldered his own, wiping his sweaty palms on his dark jeans. He was beginning to regret not dressing nicer, even though they were going to spend the rest of the day on a plane. Steve’s cousin had known him for a long time, but Bucky still felt like he should be wearing something nicer than worn, dark jeans and a faded t-shirt when he made his debut as Steve’s boyfriend.

Steve’s cousin and his wife were waiting inside the airport, clutching their tickets. Bucky fell back to allow Steve to lead the way, hanging back a bit as Steve leaned down to hug his cousin and say a few words to him in a quiet voice. Steve turned and beckoned Bucky forward, smiling encouragingly. Bucky took a deep breath, wiping his hands on his jeans one last time before stepping forwards, smiling widely at them.

“Hey, Tony, Pepper” Bucky said, giving Pepper a quick hug and holding out his hand for Steve’s cousin to shake. “It’s good to see you.”

“Wonderful to see you too, Bucky.” Pepper said diplomatically, nudging Tony slightly. Tony quickly wiped the suspicious expression off his face and replaced it with his usual business-sarcastic look.

“Hey, Bucky. How’s Steve treating you?” Tony asked, managing to keep his tone fairly civil. Bucky winced inwardly. Tony was a great guy and a damn genius, but he’d clashed with Steve in the past over who he dated. He should’ve known that Tony would be suspicious.

“He’s great.” Bucky replied, putting an arm around Steve. “Still a stubborn son of a gun, but I’m working on softening him up. He almost made us late cause he didn’t want me to drive. Something about “we’ll be really late if you get us arrested” or something like that.”

Pepper laughed, and Tony cracked a smile, his suspicions assuaged for the moment. Bucky gave Steve’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze, smiling at him and planting a quick kiss on his forehead. Steve blinked, slightly surprised, then grinned shyly and ducked his head, his cheeks flushing slightly. _Damn, that’s adorable_. Bucky thought, smiling fondly at Steve. 

“Alright, alright, cool it, lovebirds.” Tony said, rolling his eyes. “Our flight leaves soon, and I’m not going to miss it.” He grabbed Pepper’s hand, and the blonde woman rolled her eyes as Tony pulled her away like an excited puppy. She waved at Steve and Bucky, who waved back, collecting their luggage.

“Hey, you’re sure you’re okay with this?” Steve asked in a low voice as they trailed behind Tony and Pepper. “It’s not too late for you to back out. You could pretend you’re sick or something.”

“Steve, it’s fine.” Bucky said warmly, giving him a reassuring smile. “I’ve known you for years; I’m not gonna hang you out to dry. Besides, this is really working itself out in my favor. I get to go on a nice vacation, courtesy of Tony, and I get to spend time with my best friend. What’s wrong with that?”

Steve seemed to sag as the tension went out of his shoulders. “Thanks, Buck.” He said, clearly relieved by Bucky’s response. “It means a lot to me, really. You’re the best.”

“No problem, doll.” Bucky said, laughing when Steve scowled at him. He didn’t mention that a large part of him was terrified of this entire vacation, and that he wanted nothing more than to run away. When Steve had first called him, almost in tears, Bucky had been halfway out the door before Steve had calmed down enough to explain what was going on and that he was okay. 

As it turned out, Tony had asked Steve if he was bringing anyone special along on vacation, and Steve, without thinking, had said yes. Tony was apparently very pleasantly surprised, and demanded to know who this mystery man was. Steve had said Bucky, because, well, he was Steve’s best friend, and Tony had suspected that they were dating for years. Tony had been delighted, though suspicious. Steve and Bucky had adamantly insisted that they weren’t dating just last month, and now they were far enough along that Bucky was coming along on their annual vacation? Steve had flummoxed his way through an explanation, then excused himself and called Bucky, crying. 

What could Bucky do but agree? His heart went out to Steve. It’d been tough for him, growing up with Tony. Tony was brilliant, a shrewd businessman, and had a beautiful wife to boot. Steve was an artist who shared an apartment with his childhood friend and couldn’t talk to a hot guy if his life depended on it. And yeah, okay, maybe Bucky had thought about what it’d be like to date Steve, a few times. But those were always hypothetical situations, ones that’d never happen, and now it was really happening...except _not_. They _weren’t_ dating, but they _were_ , and honestly, the whole thing made Bucky’s head hurt. 

Well, there were worse things he could do with his vacation time. Spending time at a ridiculously opulent resort, courtesy of Tony, sounded like a pretty damn nice time. Sure, he and Steve were around each other all year round, but their small apartment in New York City didn’t compare to a resort in the Bahamas, and Bucky was damn sure that they’d have more fun around each other in the Bahamas than in NYC. The only catch was that they’d have to...pretend to be dating. Each other. Yeah. 

Bucky took a deep breath, inwardly shaking his head. This whole thing was something out of a wacky sitcom. Fuck, his life was weird.


	2. Steve Is (Maybe) Not Innocent

One overly long plane ride later, Bucky stretched his legs, sighing aloud. Damn, planes were tiny. A small part of him wondered why it was okay for planes to keep shrinking passenger space to fit more seats, make more money, and screw people over with such impunity. It sounded like something a two-bit evil villain would do as part of his plan for creating global anarchy through a slow wearing-down of the middle-class. He snorted, picturing a Dr. Evil-esque villain demanding payment in exchange for comfort and good food on airplanes. 

“What?” Steve asked, running a hand nervously through his hair, then immediately fixing it. Bucky would never understand Steve’s compulsion to have his hair perfectly neat. It actually looked pretty damn good when it was ruffled and messy.

“Ah, nothing. I crack myself up sometimes.” Bucky said, slinging an arm around Steve. Steve rolled his eyes, leaning into Bucky’s touch.

“Yeah, you crack yourself up, and no one else.” Steve said teasingly. Bucky prodded Steve sharply in the side, making him gasp and curse.

“Hey, fuck you, I’m hilarious.” Bucky grumbled. “You just have a terrible sense of humor.” Steve started to retort, but Bucky leaned down, stealing a quick kiss. 

He wasn’t quite sure what possessed him to do it. It just felt...right, somehow. Steve was laughing, his eyes bright, his lips turning upwards slightly as he started to retort, and Bucky just leaned over and pressed his mouth to Steve’s in a quick, chaste kiss.

Well, if nothing else, it effectively shut Steve up.

He stared up at Bucky, stunned. He opened his mouth, shut it, then ran a tongue slowly over his lips, as though trying to taste Bucky’s lips again. Bucky smirked, leaning down to whisper in Steve’s ear.

“I’m that good, huh?”

That broke the spell. “Oh, shut up.” Steve snapped, shoving Bucky good-naturedly. “It surprised me, that’s all. You’re a terrible kisser.”

“That’s not what the dames say, Stevie.” Bucky laughed, spreading his arms magnanimously. “Besides, Tony was bound to ask why we weren’t all over each other on the plane. You may be a blushing virgin, but I have a reputation to uphold.”

“I am _not_ a blushing virgin.” Steve replied hotly. “I don’t know why you keep thinking that I’m some sort of innocent waif. I’m from Brooklyn; how sheltered do you think I am?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Steve.” Bucky said, grinning devilishly. “You were a pretty small guy before you hit puberty. I guess I just assumed that you didn’t mess around with any fellas before then. I’m sorry. That was very rude of me. So, please, set the record straight. Did you mess around with any fellas back in high school?”

Steve’s scowl deepened. “...No.” He grumbled, his cheeks burning. 

Bucky nodded sagely, biting his cheek to keep himself from smiling. “Oh, so you _are_ a blushing virgin, then?” He asked, keeping his tone as neutral as possible. 

“Bucky, I’ve been tied up and fucked while sucking another guy off. I’m hardly a blushing virgin.” 

Bucky choked, staring at Steve incredulously. Well, damn. He’d known Steve wasn’t a virgin, hell, he’d walked in on Steve jerking off enough to know that the kid was into some kinky shit. But... _damn_ , he hadn’t expected that.

“Why, Stevie, what a pleasant surprise.” Bucky said, grinning predatorily down at Steve. “You should’ve told me sooner. We could’ve had _so much fun_.”

Steve snorted, but Bucky could see the flush on his cheeks deepening. Teasing Steve was so easy it was almost unfair. He was just so damn _expressive_ , in everything he did. Steve had always worn his heart on his sleeve, for better or worse. It had gotten him in trouble more times than Bucky could count, but it made his life a hell of a lot more interesting.

“If you two lovebirds would care to stop ogling each other, we could move on to the next step of our vacation.” Tony said from behind them, sighing exaggeratedly and tapping his expensive watch. Bucky opened his mouth, a sarcastic retort on the tip of his tongue, but Steve put a hand on his arm, stopping him.

“That’d be great, Tony. And we’re not ogling each other. I’d much prefer to ogle Bucky later, in our room, privately.” Steve said, smirking. Bucky raised an eyebrow, allowing a lewd smirk to twist his lips.

“Sounds like a plan.” He murmured in Steve’s ear. He didn’t miss the slight shudder than ran through Steve, which only served to widen Bucky’s grin.

“Okay, gross, far too much information.” Tony said, pulling a face. “I don’t need to know what my baby cousin is getting up to.” 

“Oh, that reminds me.” Bucky said, turning to Steve with an expression of mock concern on his face. “Did you remember to pack the handcuffs?”

Tony gagged, pretending to vomit into one of his bags. Pepper laughed, rolling her eyes at Tony’s antics and shaking her head fondly. The expression took Bucky by surprise. He was so used to the sarcastic, cutting Tony that sometimes he forgot that Tony was actually a caring guy who could make some as hardworking and honest as Pepper happy.

Pepper led the way to the car, which, being Tony’s, was a limo. It made sense, Bucky supposed, given that there were four of them, but he’d have been happy with a Honda Civic or something equally normal. Then again, knowing Tony’s passion for overkill, the limo could probably turn into the Batmobile or something like that.

“Why’d you have to go with handcuffs?” Steve grumbled quietly, sliding in next to Bucky. Bucky shrugged. 

“I dunno, Stevie, it just felt _right_.” He said, smirking. “Besides, it was worth it to see the look on Tony’s face. And yours.” He added, almost as an afterthought. “What happened to not being a blushing virgin? I thought the guy who’s been tied up and fucked wouldn’t be balking at the notion of mere _handcuffs_ , Stevie.” Bucky paused, eyeing Steve. Steve was shifting uncomfortably, refusing to meet Bucky’s gaze.

“Unless, of course, you _lied_.” Bucky murmured, leaning in to whisper in Steve’s air, his breath hot against Steve’s neck. “But why would you do that, hmm, Steve? Why would you lie to me?” Steve swallowed audibly, and shifted again, rolling one shoulder in an uncomfortable sort of movement. 

“I’m wounded, Steve.” Bucky said, pouting, putting a hand over his heart. “I thought relationships were supposed to be built on trust.” Steve opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off by Tony throwing a wadded-up napkin at his head. 

“Knock it off, kids. No dirty talk in the limo.”

“Tony, leave them be.” Pepper said, curling her arm around Tony’s. “You’ve been wanting them to date since Steve was in middle school. You got your wish. Be happy for them, and leave them alone.”

Tony scowled, but obligingly shut up. Bucky sent him a smug grin, intertwining his fingers with Steve. It felt...nice. Natural. Hand-holding was a good compromise, Bucky decided. It was something they could’ve done as friends, but was definitely a romantic thing that couples did. It was simple. 

_Wait, since middle school?_

_Tony had been wanting them to date since middle school?_

Well, fuck. That was a long time. Okay, sure, he and Steve had been friends forever. And, yeah, when you’re friends for that long, and as close as he and Steve were, people assumed things. But Tony had been good about it. He’d teased Steve, sure, but he respected Steve’s boundaries and privacy. He’d always understood that when Steve said no, they weren’t dating, he meant it. Though, if Bucky were being honest, that was probably why they’d always clashed over who Steve was dating. Tony was just as stubborn as Steve, if not more so, and once he set his mind to something, it was almost impossible to deter him.

_Since middle school, huh?_

Shit, Bucky could see that. Steve hadn’t been great at making friends, and he’d clung to Bucky for most of seventh grade. Come to think of it, Bucky had pretty much clung back. Middle school had been a very confusing time, and he and Steve had practically been inseparable. 

Damn, he hated when Tony was right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 complete! Poor Tony. I really do love Tony, but I also think that Steve and Bucky would torture him as much as possible in a situation like this. 
> 
> As an aside, these chapters aren't as long as I'd like them to be, but I'm currently working on one to two other chapter fics at the moment, so this is the best I can do. I'm really enjoying writing this fic, though. I've never written from Bucky's perspective before and I'm having fun.
> 
> Lemme know your thoughts!


	3. Hollywood

“Ohhhhhh, sweet bliss.” Bucky groaned, collapsing face-first onto the king-sized. He let out a happy hum, nuzzling into the pillow with a sigh. _Bliss._

His bliss was interrupted by Steve snorting loudly behind him. “Oh, there’s a sight to see.” 

Bucky smirked, wiggling his ass invitingly. “I bet it is, Stevie.” He didn’t have to see Steve’s face to know that the other man was rolling his eyes. 

“Come on, you little shit, we need to get unpacked.” Steve scolded, slapping Bucky’s leg. Bucky wrinkled his nose, letting out a drawn-out groan of protest. “Come onnnnnnn.” Steve whined, pulling Bucky’s legs, dragging Bucky halfway off the bed before Bucky relented.

“All right, I’m up, I’m up.” Bucky grumbled, sitting up. Steve went to move his hands away from Bucky, but Bucky stopped him. “You’re welcome to keep your hands on me as long as you like, doll.” Bucky drawled, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Steve rolled his eyes, thoroughly unimpressed by Bucky’s antics.

“Very funny, Buck. But I actually want to get unpacked and take a shower, so I’m gonna need you to get off the bed and start unpacking. Tony said that we don’t have to join him and Pepper for dinner, and he’ll understand if we’re tired. I’m fine with meeting him or getting something on our own, but since you’re apparently a 99-year-old man who needs to be in bed early, I assume we’ll get room service.” 

“Hey, fuck you, Stevie.” Bucky said, without any particular heat.

Steve snorted. “As if. You’re out of my league.”

Bucky sat up straight, his full attention on the man in front of him. “Excuse me? Did Steve Rogers, the cutest blonde on the block, just try to say that I’m out of his league? As if Steven Grant Rogers doesn’t know he’s the sweetest Golden Boy that Brooklyn’s ever been lucky enough to have?” Steve rolled his eyes dismissively, and Bucky frowned, becoming serious.

“I mean it, Steve.” Bucky said quietly. “You’re a great guy. Sure, you hit puberty a little late, but it sure as hell hit you like a truck. You’re kind, smart, funny, and talented as hell. You’re an amazing artist. You were always the Golden Boy in everything, and for good reason. Hell, if anything, you’re out of my league. What’s the perfect guy doing with a rotten little troublemaker like me?”

Steve ducked his head, flushing slightly. “Aw, Bucky, don’t be like that.” He admonished. “You’re great too.”

“I have my moments.” Bucky replied cheerfully. “Now, I believe you were insulting me before we got on the subject of your terribly low self-esteem?”

“Real mature, Buck.” Steve deadpanned. “Seriously, though, we need to unpack, or we’ll never get to sleep tonight.”

“Ooh, I love a bit of dirty talk.” Bucky said, winking salaciously. Steve gave him a thoroughly unamused look, though the effect was lessened by the fond smile tugging at the corner of his lips. 

The next few hours passed in a comfortable blur of banter and activity, and by the time they were done unpacking, Bucky was absolutely willing to accept old-man jokes for the rest of his life if it meant that he got to lie down and take a nap. Much as he hated to admit it, he loathed change. He’d be happy living in the same apartment, seeing the same view, eating the same food for the rest of his life. Routines made him feel safe. Change was new and different and scary, especially here, at a resort full of people whose clothes cost more than Bucky made in a year and who would undoubtedly hate Bucky’s collection of worn jeans and faded t-shirts.

“You doing okay?” Steve asked, nudging Bucky slightly. “You seemed a little out of it for a second there.”

“I’m alright. Just a little...out of my element, y’know?” Bucky said, shrugging. “I’m not made for fancy places like this.”

“I hear you.” Steve sighed, plopping down on the bed next to him. “I mean, this place is great, and I’m glad Tony’s bringing us here and footing the bill.” He paused, then corrected himself, laughing. “I’m _really_ glad Tony’s footing the bill. But seriously, I’d have been happy with a 12-pack and maybe a new couch.”

“What’s wrong with our couch?” Bucky asked defensively.

“It’s gross, Bucky. It’s covered in stains and has probably been in that apartment since World War II. I don’t even want to think about what’s been done on that couch.”

_I could do you on that couch._

Woah, where had that come from? _Bad Bucky_. Bucky mentally slapped himself, trying to dispel the image of him grinding Steve into the cushions. A coil of heat stirred in his stomach, but he ignored it, shifting uncomfortably. It had barely even been a day and he was already doing stupid shit. Steve wasn’t his boyfriend and he certainly wasn’t interested in Bucky fucking him on a couch that was, admittedly, not as clean as it could be.

“Okay, fine, the couch is a little gross.” Bucky said, hoping his voice didn’t sound as strained as he thought it did. “But it’s part of our home! Think about it. One day, when you’re a famous artist, they’ll put that couch in a museum. “Here sat Steve Rogers, creating the masterpieces that would one day sell for millions of dollars.””

Steve snorted, but his cheeks were flushed. “Yeah, right.” He grumbled, clearly embarrassed. “I wish.” He glanced up at Bucky, his expression settling into something more playful. “And what would the Steve Rogers Art Museum say about you, Buck?”

“Me?” Bucky leaned back, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. After a moment, inspiration struck. He gave Steve a devilish grin, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. “They’d say I was your illicit lover, your paramore, if you will. Your muse.”

Steve spluttered indignantly. “They would not!” He snapped hotly. 

Bucky laughed in that self-assured way that he knew got under Steve’s skin. “Why wouldn’t they?” He asked, smirking. “When we learn about historical figures who never married but lived with their “male best friend” for their whole lives, we know that they’re gay. And, hell, we’re both already into dudes. You mean to tell me that in the future, no one would think we’re together? People are already thinking it.” Steve slumped, nodding reluctantly, and Bucky couldn’t resist adding; “Besides, I’m devastatingly handsome, so it only makes sense that you’d fall for me.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Shut up, Buck.”

“No, no, think about it!” Bucky said eagerly, springing up from the bed and grabbing Steve’s hands. “Steve, the poor repressed artist, hopelessly in love with his roommate. His roommate, of course, is oblivious to Steve’s predicament, and has a penchant for innocently working out shirtless in their living room. Steve is struck with inspiration, and makes the man his muse. One day, his roommate discovers a sketchbook that Steve has forgotten to hide, and sees all the drawings of him. What will he do? Will he confront Steve? Will he be angry, flattered, confused? No!” Bucky says, pulling Steve up off the bed. Steve went willingly, which was good, because he was heavy and Bucky didn’t work out as much as the roommate in his fantasy.

“What does the roommate do?” Steve asked, laughing. Bucky paused, staring down at Steve’s smiling face. _Damn, he’s beautiful_. Bucky thought, resisting the urge to run his fingers through Steve’s hair. 

“Well, I suppose when Hollywood makes it into a movie, they’ll probably add some unnecessary drama, but in reality-”

“Wait, Hollywood makes it into a movie?” Steve interrupted, laughing. “How famous am I?”

Bucky shrugged. “Oh, probably on the level of Van Gogh or Da Vinci, obviously. Maybe more. You’re really quite talented. The movie would win a couple Oscars, naturally. Anyway, as I was saying, in real life, the roommate would actually be totally cool with it, because he’s been secretly in love with Steve the whole time. They’d fuck a lot, do cute couple shit, and live happily ever after.”

“Beautiful.” Steve said, pretending to wipe away a tear. “Definitely deserving of a couple Oscars.”

“Thank you, thank you.” Bucky said, bowing extravagantly. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“Yeah, you should be a writer. You’re wasting your talents as a mechanic.” Steve joked.

“I got a D in junior year English, Stevie.”

Steve snorted, putting a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter. “Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. How’d you do so badly, anyway?”

Bucky scowled, wrinkling his nose in distaste. “Something about “essays must be written on the assigned topic” and “homework needs to be completed and turned in” or some bureaucratic nonsense like that.”

Steve couldn’t stifle his laughter this time, and Bucky glared down at him, folding his arms across his chest. Steve only laughed harder, and Bucky decided that hey, if the little bastard was gonna laugh anyway, he might as well suffer for it.

Steve let out a high-pitched shriek of laughter as Bucky’s fingers dug into his sides, years of living together making Bucky acutely aware of every place where Steve was ticklish. Steve writhed on the bed, fighting to get out of Bucky’s grip, but Bucky held him down, taking advantage of the fact that he weighed more than Steve to keep him pinned to the bed. 

Bucky’s fun was abruptly cut short when one of Steve’s thrashing legs kicked him squarely in the ribs. Bucky collapsed onto the bed, groaning, and Steve wriggled free, breathing hard.

“That’s what you get for tickling me.” Steve said triumphantly, panting. 

“Ouch.” Bucky grumbled, holding his side. “Is that anyway to treat your secret lover, Steve? Shame on you. I’ll be speaking to Hollywood about this.”

Steve rolled his eyes, but there was an affectionate smile tugging at his lips. “I’ll make it up to you later, doll.”

“Hey, no, none of that.” Bucky said sternly, pointing an accusatory finger at Steve. “You’re my doll, and I’m your fella, you understand?”

Steve raised an eyebrow. “Wow, really, Buck? Why can’t we _both_ be dolls or fellas? Traditional gender roles, much?”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” Bucky grumbled.

“Yeah, I know, but I like giving you a hard time.” Steve said cheerfully. “But really, why can’t I be your fella?”

“You are.” Bucky said immediately. “But you’re also my doll. I’m your fella, and I could be your doll, but you’d have to buy me dinner first.”

Steve rolled his eyes so hard that Bucky was surprised he didn’t sprain something. “So, basically, if I buy you dinner-”

“If you buy me dinner, you can call me whatever you like.” Bucky said, winking. “And I’ll do whatever you like, too.”

“You’re a whore.”

“Yup.” Bucky said, popping the “p” with a smack of his lips. “But I’m _your_ whore, Stevie, and that’s what matters.” Steve opened his mouth, doubtless ready to call Bucky out for something else, but Bucky’s stomach growled loudly, interrupting him. 

“Guess I should buy you dinner now, huh?” Steve asked, grinning.

“That’d be most obliging of you, doll.” Bucky replied. Steve made a face, but got up to order room service. Bucky laughed, arranging himself more comfortably on the bed, and on a whim, blew Steve a kiss. Steve looked a little confused, but he ducked his head, blushing, all the same. Bucky smiled fondly, watching as Steve turned businesslike, his voice fading into the background as Bucky’s gaze wandered over Steve’s body. Damn, but Steve was a good-looking fella. And if Bucky was being honest, his little Hollywood speech hadn’t been far off. Everyone already thought they were dating, and now they basically were. 

_So why not just date?_

_No._ Bucky shook himself. _Bad Bucky. Steve is your friend, and you guys don’t feel like that about each other. Don’t start falling for him, cause that won’t end well. It’s only the first day, and you’ve got another two weeks. Just make it through the two weeks, and then everything will go back to normal._

_Just two weeks._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I'm not dead, just busy. But I finally got my ass and gear and wrote another chapter, and I hope you enjoy it!


	4. Mornings are for buffets and sarcasm

Morning dawned, as it always did, and Bucky was not having it. He was warm, the bed was comfortable, his pillow was in just the right position, and Steve was pressed firmly against him. Heaven was real, and it was the five-star hotel Tony was paying for. Beside him, Steve shifted closer, mumbling something sleep-slurred under his breath. Bucky fought the urge to smile, staying as still as possible. Damn, Steve was cute. He settled carefully back onto his pillow, draping an arm around Steve. Steve murmured something indistinguishable, nuzzling against Bucky’s chest. Bucky closed his eyes, listening to Steve’s breathing. God, he wouldn’t disturb him for the world.

The world, naturally, had other ideas.

Steve’s phone rang, the ringtone harsh and loud in the early-morning silence of their room. Bucky swore angrily, almost drowning out the phone in his frustration. _God is dead and hell is real and Satan is coming for my fucking ass._

“Mmm.” Steve grumbled, trying unsuccessfully to hide under the covers. Bucky laughed, dragging them off the him. “MMM!” Steve grumbled, louder this time, trying to snatch the blankets back. He didn’t, but only because he was too tired to really fight Bucky for them.

“It’s your phone, Stevie.” Bucky said, lounging back against the pillows, pretending like he hadn’t been about to throw Steve’s phone out the window for disturbing his sleep. 

“Do I have to?” Steve whined, refusing to open his eyes.

“Yeah, probably.” Bucky replied amicably, grabbing the phone and checking the called ID. Tony. _Damn_. “Yeah, it’s Tony. Better get it. Or I could answer, if you prefer…?” Bucky trailed off, leaving the question hanging. He expected Steve to immediately decline Bucky’s offer, but instead, Steve groaned, running a hand through his hair. 

“Would you mind?” Steve asked plaintively, his tone just pathetic enough that Bucky had to fight to keep from laughing.

“No problem.” Bucky replied cheerfully, grabbing Steve’s phone and answering the call. He put it on speakerphone, because he didn’t feel like having to relay the whole conversation to Steve after the fact.

“Hey, Tony, what can I do for you?”

“Oh, god, please tell me I didn’t interrupt you two having sex.”

Bucky frowned, biting his lip to keep from laughing. “Nope, nothing like that, Tony. Steve’s just a lazy little shit and didn’t wanna answer his phone.”

There was an audible sigh of relief from the other end. “Good. Anyway, you guys wanna meet us downstairs for breakfast? You ordered room service last night, and I wouldn’t want to put some poor soul through the trauma of seeing the state your room’s in now. Also, you should probably see more of this place than just your bed.”

Bucky didn’t miss Tony’s fairly obvious implication, but he didn’t mind. It just gave him more opportunities to torture Tony. 

“Don’t worry, we saw our shower too.” Bucky replied, grinning wickedly. Steve shot up and made a desperate grab for the phone. Bucky was quicker, and grabbed the phone, holding it out of reach. Steve let out a pleading sort of whine, scrabbling for the phone.  
“Sorry, Tony, Steve’s trying to get his phone back. It’s kind of pathetic.”

Tony snorted, chuckling quietly. “Classy, I bet. Now, come on, lovebirds, breakfast is waiting. It’s a buffet.”

_Oh, fuck yeah_. “Why didn’t you mention the buffet _first_?” Bucky asked, jumping out of the bed and looking for his socks. 

“Because I love to torture you.” Tony replied amicably. “Your suffering amuses me.”

“Very funny.” Bucky hung up, then tossed the phone at Steve. Steve caught it with a scowl, glaring at Bucky.

“What? You told me to answer it.” Bucky said defensively. “You never told me I had to keep it PG.”

“Why are you like this?” Steve grumbled, sitting up slowly. 

“Who’s the old man now, huh?” Bucky teased, tossing Steve’s socks at him. Steve swatted them away, rolling his eyes.

“Shut up and get dressed. You’ll probably get kicked out if you go downstairs like that.” Steve retorted, eying Bucky’s worn jeans and faded red shirt.

“Five bucks says Tony’s wearing a Black Sabbath t-shirt and designer pajamas.” Bucky said, laughing. Steve grinned, shrugging.

“Yeah, he probably is. But he’s also Tony Stark, and I sure as hell wouldn’t tell him he needed to change. Pretty sure Pepper’s the only one who can do that. “ Steve said, frowning as he looked over his shirts. He liked the hotel, yeah, but fancy places intimidated him. Rich people always somehow managed to look casual and at ease when wearing things that’d cost a year’s salary, and Steve always managed to look completely out of his element no matter what.

Steve jumped hard when Bucky laid a hand on his shoulder, laughing weakly. “You scared the shit outta me, Buck. Give a guy some warning, huh?”

Bucky’s forehead was wrinkled with concern. “Hey, man, you alright?”

Steve nodded, swallowing hard. Trust Bucky to always know when something wasn’t right. “I’m fine. Just-” He waved a hand distractedly. “Thinking.”

“What about?” Bucky asked, not removing his hand from Steve’s shoulder. Steve bit back a harsh response. Bucky’s voice had gone soft and quiet, the way it always did when he knew something was wrong. Steve _hated_ that voice. It reminded him of when he was a scrawny little kid, crying on Bucky’s shoulder for some reason or another.

“I’m fine, Buck.”

Bucky sighed, his gaze searching as he stared at Steve. “Fine, you know I’m always here for you, right? No matter what.” He hesitated, then said; “I care about you, Steve.”

“I know.” Steve said, and no, his throat was not tight with emotion. Bucky was his friend, that was all, and he just wanted Steve to know he cared. Yeah.

They didn’t say much as they finished getting ready and headed downstairs, but Steve could tell that Bucky was worried. That worry vanished, however, the moment the scent of the buffet washed over them. Steve couldn’t help but laugh as the lines on Bucky’s face vanished, replaced with a huge, eager grin.

“You are such a child.” Steve laughed, grabbing a plate.

“Nonsense.” Bucky scoffed. “I am a healthy, functioning adult, and it is perfectly normal to be excited about food.”

“This goes beyond _excited_ , Bucky.” Steve said dryly, snagging a piece of bacon. “I believe the word you’re looking for is ‘kink’”.

Bucky went a little red, laughing. “Oh, Stevie, I’ve got plenty of those, but I don’t think food is one of them.” He replied, wiggling his eyebrows. “And what about you, Stevie dearest? Any dark little desires hiding behind those baby blues?” Steve pretended to throw up, making Bucky laugh harder. 

“Hey, guys, over here!” Pepper waved them down, smiling good-naturedly. Tony was seated next to her, predictably clothed in a t-shirt and pajama pants and absorbed in his phone.. Bucky took a moment to quietly wonder how long Pepper spent trying to convince him to change into something nicer. Pepper was, of course, resplendent in a pressed skirt and blouse. Bucky had a sneaking suspicion that she probably slept in business attire, too, though he’d never understand how a person could manage to look so put-together at all times.

“Did you boys sleep well?” Pepper asked, nudging Tony. Tony looked up, nodded to Steve and Bucky, and went back to his phone.

“Yeah, this place is fantastic.” Steve answered, eagerly digging into his food. “Thanks for bringing us, Tony.”

“My pleasure. Anything for my baby cousin.” Tony replied smoothly, eyes never leaving his phone. Pepper frowned disapprovingly, but didn’t comment. She probably knew by this point that there was no dragging Tony away from his machines, unless it was physically with one of his machines.

“So, what’s the plan for today?” Bucky asked around a mouthful of eggs. 

“You’re adults. Do what you want.” Tony replied. Pepper elbowed him in the side, frowning. Tony pouted, but didn’t protest, instead rolling his eyes when Pepper looked away. “Fine. Me and Pepper were planning on heading to the beach, and you two are cordially invited to join us.”

Steve immediately brightened up, looking at Bucky eagerly. Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Steve, you don’t need my permission. You’re an adult.”

Steve deflated slightly, looking a little put-out. “Well, yeah, I know, but I just wanted to make sure that you were okay with it too.”

_Look what you’ve done, you ass._ Bucky mentally slapped himself. _Yeah, we’re fucking boyfriends, no shit Steve is gonna make sure you’re included. Dumbass._ “Yeah, of course. Sorry.” Bucky apologized, wincing. “I wasn’t thinking.”

Steve smiled reassuringly, putting a comforting hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “Hey, no worries.”

“Disgusting.” Tony observed dryly. “Love. Blech.” Beside him, Pepper rolled her eyes, thoroughly unamused.  
“Ignore him. He’s a child.” She told Steve and Bucky, laying a hand on Tony’s arm.  
“I am not a child. I’m a very mature adult.” Tony retorted, giving them a “Can you believe her?” look.  
“You’re many things, Tony, but “mature” is not one of them.” Pepper replied, apparently unimpressed by Tony’s impressive list of accolades. 

“So, Tony, you couldn’t have told me we were going to the beach _before_ I got dressed?” Bucky asked, grinning. “I mean, shit, you called us down to breakfast, and you didn’t think to mention it while we were on the phone? Talk about inconsiderate.”

“Hey, Barnes, we’re not all as eager to see you in your skivvies as Steve is, all right?” Tony snarked, winking salaciously at Steve. Steve flushed, looking down at his plate.  
“Now go change.” Tony continued, returning to his plate. “I wanna get on the beach before everyone shows up.”

“What, you didn’t buy out the beach for the week? Tony, I’m disappointed.” Bucky grinned, ducking when Tony threw a bit of egg at his head.

“Beat it, you two.” Tony grumbled, giving Bucky a good-natured wink. Bucky winked back, grabbing Steve’s hand (and a muffin, because Steve was great and all but the buffet actually had damn good food) and dragging him to their room.

“How, uh, how do you want to do this?” Steve asked, wringing his hands nervously.

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Well, I imagine there will be sand, as well as water, and we’ll probably stand or swim in the water. That’s generally what one does at the beach, yes?”

Steve glared at him. “No, dipshit, about us being boyfriends. How much am I supposed to touch you? Are we supposed to be all over each other? Is Tony gonna want us to be all over each other, or are we supposed to be more shy and not touch each other a lot?”

Bucky paused for a moment, considering Steve’s words before replying. “I think we should just do what comes naturally.” Steve snorted, rolling his eyes. “Okay, shut up, asshole, I wasn’t done yet.” Bucky grumbled. “I think we’re generally pretty touchy-feely, enough that people think we’re dating. So just, I dunno, do that. And if you’re blown away by my beauty and manliness, you’re welcome to kiss me. No tongue, though. At least not in public.” He winked, laughing when Steve rolled his eyes.

“Seriously, though, I don’t think we need to worry. We’re close, and as long as we don’t try too hard, we’ll be fine.” Bucky said, putting a comforting hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Now hurry up and get dressed. I don’t want Tony to leave without us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's summer so hopefully I can update consistently now. Also, I saw Infinity War and it was emotionally taxing and I'm dead inside! Yay! Anyway, have this chapter and I hope you enjoyed it.


	5. Bucky has great ideas and Steve is not an old man

Unsurprisingly, Tony teased them mercilessly the entire way to the beach, clearly enjoying their newfound status as a couple. Bucky knew that teasing was Tony’s way of caring, and that deep down, he was delighted to see Steve happy, so he rolled his eyes and laughed at Tony’s jokes. Tony was a good guy, really, and happy enough at their relationship that it made a small ball of guilt form in the pit of Bucky’s stomach. He hadn’t really considered what would happen after the vacation. He’d assumed that they’d “break up” and go back to normal, but he hadn’t really realized that they’d have to break up to Tony and Pepper, too. And then it’d be awkward, because Tony would probably hate him, but he and Steve would still be friends and living together, and that was enough to give Bucky a headache and a mild panic attack, so he pushed it to another corner of his brain and decided to worry about it at another time.

Or, maybe…

Maybe they’d just...keep dating?

Bucky wasn’t stupid. His relationship with Steve had always bordered the edge between platonic and romantic. There wasn’t an ounce of doubt in Bucky’s mind that he loved Steve, but love had never been the issue. They were close; of course they loved it. It was only a matter of time before something changed and they got together, right? And maybe this was the thing that would change their relationship. 

Maybe.

Of course, there was also the quiet part of Bucky’s brain that whispered that there was no way Steve would ever date him, because Steve was a Good Thing and Bucky didn’t get Good Things. Bucky was the almost-dropout who was now held a semi-respectable job as a mechanic, and Steve was an artist: a profession that almost no one respected but which Steve somehow managed to make admirable. Trying to be in a real relationship with Steve would almost certainly cause problems.

Speaking of problems…

Bucky knew that Steve was fairly easily flustered. Sure, he was a kid from Brooklyn, and wasn’t the innocent waif that everyone thought he was, but Bucky knew him better than that. Steve wasn’t innocent by any means. He had a filthy streak a mile wide, but only when he was confident. Catch Steve off-guard and you had a beautiful, stuttering, blushing mess.

So naturally, Bucky had packed the smallest swim trunks he could find (red, of course, because red was his color), and took a moment to mentally high-five himself over his brilliant planning. Nothing like a bit of real-life sexual tension to spice up a fake relationship, right?

Steve had looked satisfyingly flustered when he saw Bucky, which Bucky responded to with the most innocent smile he could muster. 

“Ready to go, Stevie?” He asked, holding out his arm for Steve to take. Steve glared at him, not moving from his spot.

“Those shorts aren’t decent.” He said, eyeballing Bucky’s shorts meaningfully.

Bucky shrugged. “Aw, come on, Stevie, what’s it to you? I look good, and I’m all yours.”

Steve’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t like the idea of other people getting to see that much of you.”

Bucky swallowed hard, the air leaving his lungs in a surprised huff. That was...thoroughly unexpected. He hadn’t pegged Steve as the possessive sort. “You’re not the boss of me.” He said, adding a little bluster to his voice to cover his shock. 

“No, but I am your boyfriend, and I can see the outline of your dick in those shorts.” Steve replied. “And as your boyfriend, I think I should tell you that those aren’t appropriate for the public view.”

Bucky started to retort, realized Steve was right and that maybe the shorts were a little short, then decided that eh, fuck it, he didn’t bring anything else and maybe messing with Steve would be fun. Steve hadn’t approved, but he didn’t do anything to stop Bucky, so now there were plenty of people seeing way more of Bucky than Steve was entirely happy with.

“Why _did_ you pack those shorts?” Steve grumbled, trying to avoid staring. Bucky shrugged, making Steve’s life much more difficult by sprawling down on the sand, his legs spread more than was decent.

“I want to get an all-over tan.” Bucky replied, winking. Steve groaned, throwing a towel at him. Bucky let it hit him, laughing all the while. Well, he’d certainly succeeded in frustrating Steve, but maybe not in the way he’d wanted. Not yet. There was still plenty of time to rile Steve up.

Step one, swimming.

“C’mon, I bet the water’s great, let’s go for a swim.” Bucky pleaded, tugging Steve’s arm. Steve ignored him, refusing to look up from his sketchpad.

“No. I wanna try to do some landscapes, maybe a few action sketches of people running around.” 

“Steeeeeeeve.” Bucky moaned, pouting. “I can take you to the beach every weekend if you want. When’s the last time you’ve been to a beach with _warm water_? This is the opportunity of a lifetime and you’re missing out to draw some stupid tourists.”

“We’re stupid tourists too, dumbass. And we’re here for two weeks. Calm your tits.” Steve replied, his pencil moving quickly across the paper.

“If anyone here has tits, it’s you, Stevie.” Bucky shot back. “Chest like that, I’m surprised don’t show it off more.” Steve snorted, color rising to his cheeks. Bucky grinned. He knew Steve was self-conscious about his body, the aftereffects of being a scrawny little kid. But, hell, was he ever beefy now. He was almost as big as Bucky, and no one would ever guess that Steve was an artist who spent his days cooped up inside.

“I could be your model.” 

That got a reaction.

Steve blinked, coughed, and looked away. “Uh, no, I don’t think-you don’t need to-” He stopped, cleared his throat, and tried again. “You’d have to do basically work out on the beach for me to get any decent action shots.” He said, and was it Bucky’s imagination, or did he sound a little hoarse?

Well, that was certainly an avenue worth exploring.

Bucky shrugged. “Okay.” Steve spluttered, but Bucky ignored him, dropping to the sand and starting to do push-ups. He did a few, then looked up at Steve. _Shit_. Steve was staring at him, mouth open, eyes wide and dark. Bucky faltered slightly, scrambling to find something to say to break the tension.

“Enjoying the show?”

Maybe not the most eloquent thing to say, but it did the trick. Steve snapped out his trance, his glare undercut by the blush on his cheeks.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize you’d actually started. I told you, I need actual dynamic things to sketch, not you doing three measly push-ups.”

Bucky laughed, shaking his head. “You’re insufferable, Rogers, you know that?”

“I’ve been told.” Steve replied, smirking. “Now, get to work. We’ve only got two weeks.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, but dutifully complied. He got lost in the familiar routine, the sand adding an extra bit of difficulty to his life. The beach really was a terrible place to work out, but damn if it didn’t ensure that you got one hell of a work out. When he stopped, he was decently out of breath, covered in sweat, and a little sick of how many looks he’d been getting. Seriously, he was an adult, he was allowed to wear whatever he liked, and if one more tourist gave him a nasty look, he was going to kick sand in their food.

“That dynamic enough?” He asked, sitting down next to Steve and peeking at his sketchbook. Steve covered it protectively, his arms effectively preventing Bucky from seeing anything.

“Yes, you did very well. Congratulations.”

“Be nice to me.” Bucky grumbled. “I just worked out, _on vacation_ , for you. I deserve praise.”

Steve laughed. “Okay, fine. You did a great job. It seemed like a good workout, I got a lot of sketching done, and you successfully got everyone on the beach to stare at you. And, as your reward, I will go swimming with you.”

“Yes!” Bucky crowed, pumping a fist in the air. “I knew I’d win!”

Steve sighed, allowing Bucky to grab his hand and drag him into the water. The water was, surprisingly, warm, which was _amazing_. New York was great and all, but the water was always freezing. 

“See, isn’t this nice?” Bucky asked, wrapping his arms around Steve’s waist. “The water is warm, it’s a beautiful day, you got some sketching done, and now we get to spend time together, like the picture-perfect couple we are.”

Steve snorted. “No one in the picture-perfect universe wears those shorts.” 

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Do I look _bad_?” He asked, grinning.

Steve sighed. “No.” He admitted reluctantly. “You look good. You always look good. Cause you’re, you know, handsome.”

“Aw, you think I’m handsome?” Bucky teased. “Stevie’s got a _cruuush_.”

Steve’s eyes narrowed. “Die.” He deadpanned. Bucky laughed, then grabbed Steve and fell backwards in the water, taking Steve with him. Steve spluttered, spitting out water and flailing at Bucky, who was already out of reach.

“Too slow, old man.” Bucky taunted. Steve’s eyes darkened, and he lunged forward, his arms wrapping firmly around Bucky’s waist.

“Say it again.” Steve threatened. 

“Old man! Slow old maaan! ” Bucky sang, splashing water around him. Steve’s eyes narrowed, darkening further. Bucky opened his mouth, starting to tease Steve again, but Steve stopped him. He leaned forward, pressing his lips against Bucky’s. Bucky blinked, but didn’t pull away. Instead, he brought a hand up to press into Steve’s hair, the saltwater making it crackle under his fingers. They stayed like that for a moment, until the sounds of tourists chattering and waves crashing pulled them back. 

“I should tease you more often.” Bucky joked, trying to break the tension.

“Let the record reflect that I am not a slow old man.” Steve replied, looking thoroughly pleased with himself.

“Eh, I don’t know about that.” Bucky said immediately. “One measly kiss doesn’t prove anything. You’ll have to do a lot more than that to convince me.”

Steve shrugged. “Fine by me.”

“Okay.” Bucky said, nodding. “Fine by me as well. Do your worst.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing like some good ol' heterosexual flirting with your fake boyfriend, am I right?


End file.
